Thursday, June 28, 2012

22 Years of Wedded Bliss...Most of the Time!

While we were on vacation, we celebrated our wedding anniversary.  22 fun and fabulous years.  Actually, it's 27 years if you also count the time we dated.  Each other.  That's really hard to believe because we really can't be that old.  Well, I don't feel older...thanks, in a large part, to hair color.  Anyway, after being together for so long, we've learned some tips and compromises to having a happy marriage:

  1. Always close the toilet seat and lid.  ALWAYS.
  2. Eat at least one meal together each day.  It's always nice to have your husband bring something home for dinner once in a while.  It's even better if he also cleans up afterwards.
  3. Put a new garbage bag in the garbage can immediately when you take out the garbage. (This is still an ongoing battle in our house...Matt.)
  4. Just accept the fact that guys will have ESPN/sports on the TV at all hours of the day and night.  Just expect's got something to do with the hard-wiring of the male brain. Learn to watch Lifetime on another TV.
  5. Always kiss each other goodnight.  What happens after that is your own business and this is not that kind of blog.
  6. Accept the fact that guys don't clean as well as girls. They try their best, so be sure to be thankful for what they do...and then go over what they cleaned when they're not looking.
  7. Listen to the radio station your wife would like to listen to while in the car.  And in the house.  But, the radio in the garage belongs to the husband.
  8. Aways compliment your wife and tell her she looks fabulous...even if she's having a really bad hair day.
  9. Don't get on your wife's nerves.  (Maybe this one should be at the top of the list.)
  10. Accept the fact that men aren't nearly as emotional and/or neurotic as women and don't want to talk about their feelings.  They mean what they say and then move on.  They don't analyze every single word they've said and worry what others will think.  They've already forgotten what they've said and are now thinking about either sex or sports.
  11. Have anchovies (and other yucky stuff your spouse doesn't like) on the side, not cooked on the pizza.  Especially mushrooms...unless you're trying to kill your allergic wife.
  12. Accept the fact that sometimes your spouse just seems to breathe really loud.  Don't succumb to the urge to smother him with a pillow. 
  13. Always smile and tell your wife that dinner was delicious...even if the chicken was a little dry.
  14. Bring your wife home flowers once in a while.  Or Snickers.  It may help her resist the urge to smother you with a pillow one day.
  15. Learn that there really is a difference between cream, off-white, and eggshell. 
  16. The A.I.S. (Ass in Seat) Rule does not apply to your wife.  If she needs an hour...or get ready to go out, then wait patiently.  Your wife may need extra time if her hair won't cooperate, she sneezed while applying mascara and has to start all over again, and/or there's absolutely nothing in her closet to wear.  (Or if everything she puts on just makes her look fat.)  Adjust your departure time accordingly, tell her she looks fabulous (and thin), and never, ever ask her how much longer she'll be.  You can always just watch ESPN while she's getting ready.
  17. Say 'I love you' every day. This usually works better if you say it to each other.
  18. Embrace your wife's craziness and let her have her Lucy moments. Smile when she sings commercial jingles and puts the dog's name in them. Laugh when she gets stuck in the pool without the steps.
  19. Open the door for your wife...especially in flu and cold season.
  20. Always remember the little things and celebrate them:  Valentine's Day, your anniversary, and the first time you kissed...just to name a few.  Presents are always a good option. You can never go wrong with jewelry.         
  21. Listen to your wife when she's rambling and carrying on about something that totally doesn't interest you in the least. Always sympathize and let her know she's justified in feeling like she does. You don't have to listen to every word she says...just tune in once in a while, nod in agreement, and then go back to analyzing baseball stats in your head.
  22. Just accept the fact that your wife is right 99% of the time.  Bow down and concede that fact and you'll be guaranteed a happy marriage...and life.