Wednesday, June 10, 2015

Silver Anniversary

    Matt and I celebrated our 25th wedding anniversary on Monday.  We didn't get to do much celebrating with all of the house selling/buying stuff we had to run around and do on Monday, but we did manage to enjoy a nice lunch. We're planning on taking a trip in the fall to celebrate.  In the meantime, I did some updating on a list I made a few years ago.  25 years.  In a row.  WOW!

    25 Rules for Wedded Bliss (At Least Most of the Time)
  1. Always close the toilet seat and lid.  ALWAYS.
  2. Eat at least one meal together each day.  It's always nice to have your husband bring something home for dinner once in a while.  It's even better if he also cleans up afterward.
  3. Put a new garbage bag in the garbage can immediately when you take out the garbage. (This is still an ongoing battle in our house...Matt.)
  4. Just accept the fact that guys will have ESPN/sports on the TV at all hours of the day and night.  Just accept's got something to do with the hard-wiring of the male brain. Learn to watch Lifetime or HGTV on another TV.
  5. Always kiss each other goodnight.  What happens after that is your own business and this is not that kind of blog.
  6. Accept the fact that guys don't clean as well as girls. They try their best, so be sure to be thankful for what they do...and then go over what they missed when they're not looking.
  7. Listen to the radio station your wife would like to listen to while in the car.  And in the house.  But, the radio in the garage belongs to the husband.
  8. Always compliment your wife and tell her she looks fabulous...even if she's having a really bad hair day.
  9. Don't get on your wife's nerves.  (Maybe this one should be at the top of the list.)
10. Accept the fact that men aren't nearly as emotional and/or neurotic as women and don't want to talk and talk and talk about their feelings.  They mean what they say and then move on.  They don't analyze every single word they've said and worry what others will think.  They've already forgotten what they've said and are now thinking about either sports or sex.
11. Have anchovies (and other gross stuff your spouse doesn't like) on the side, not cooked ON the pizza. 
12. Accept the fact that sometimes your spouse just seems to breathe really loudly.  Don't succumb to the urge to smother him with a matter how irritated you are at 3 a.m.
13. Always smile and tell your wife that dinner was delicious...even if the chicken was a little dry. This will avoid any cooking boycotts in the future.
14. Bring your wife home flowers once in a while.  Or Snickers.  It may help her resist the urge to smother you with a pillow one day.
15. Learn that there really is a difference between cream and off-white. Men just can't see it for some reason.
16. The A.I.S. (Ass in Seat) Rule does not apply to your wife.  If she needs an hour...or get ready to go out, then wait patiently.  Your wife may need extra time if her hair won't cooperate, she sneezed while applying mascara and has to start all over again, and/or there's absolutely nothing in her closet to wear (and/or everything she puts on just makes her look fat).  Adjust your departure time accordingly, tell her she looks fabulous (and thin), and never, EVER ask her how much longer she'll be.  You can always just watch ESPN while she's getting ready.
17. Say 'I love you' every day. This usually works better if you say it to each other.
18. Embrace your wife's silliness and craziness. Smile when she sings commercial jingles and puts the dog's name in them. Chuckle when she talks about the musical bridge you're on and then realizes she's wearing headphones. Laugh when she gets stuck in the pool without the steps while she's home alone. Accept her Lucy moments.
19. Open all doors for your wife...especially in flu and cold season.
20. Always remember the little things and celebrate them:  Valentine's Day, your anniversary, and the first time you kissed...just to name a few.  Presents are always a good option. You can never go wrong with jewelry.
21. Listen to your wife when she's rambling and carrying on about something that totally doesn't interest you in the least. Always sympathize and let her know she's justified in feeling like she does and she is right. You don't have to listen to every word she says...just tune in once in a while, nod in agreement, reassure her she's right, and then go back to thinking about which pitcher to put in your lineup for your fantasy baseball league.

22. Never, ever ask your wife what's wrong while she's in the middle of eating an entire carton of ice cream. Wait patiently until she's done and then have the kleenex ready...and a bottle of Pepto and/or alcohol.

23. Don't fear PMS. Accept for a few days every month that:
    • all of her clothes are horrible and make her look fat and frumpy
    • her hair is horrible and just won't do anything
    • pretty much everything you say is the wrong thing to say
    • you just don't understand her feelings and are wrong
    • you just don't understand her point of view and are wrong
    • you can't do anything right and are wrong
Just hold on and ride out the emotional roller coaster for a few'll be over soon. Hopefully.

24. Never, ever, ever, ever leave an empty roll of toilet paper on the holder. Ever.

25. Just accept the fact that your wife is right 99% of the time.  Concede and you'll be guaranteed a happy marriage...and life.