Matt and I celebrated our 25th wedding anniversary on Monday. We didn't get to do much celebrating with all of the house selling/buying stuff we had to run around and do on Monday, but we did manage to enjoy a nice lunch. We're planning on taking a trip in the fall to celebrate. In the meantime, I did some updating on a list I made a few years ago. 25 years. In a row. WOW!
25
Rules for Wedded Bliss (At Least Most of the Time)
1. Always
close the toilet seat and lid. ALWAYS.
2. Eat
at least one meal together each day. It's always nice to have
your husband bring something home for dinner once in a while.
It's even better if he also cleans up afterward.
3. Put a
new garbage bag in the garbage can immediately when
you take out the garbage. (This is still an ongoing battle in our
house...Matt.)
4. Just
accept the fact that guys will have ESPN/sports on the TV at all
hours of the day and night. Just accept it...it's got
something to do with the hard-wiring of the male brain. Learn to
watch Lifetime or HGTV on another TV.
5. Always
kiss each other goodnight. What happens after that is your own
business and this is not that kind of blog.
6. Accept
the fact that guys don't clean as well as girls. They try their
best, so be sure to be thankful for what they do...and then go over
what they missed when they're not looking.
7. Listen
to the radio station your wife would like to listen to while in the
car. And in the house. But, the radio in the garage
belongs to the husband.
8. Always
compliment your wife and tell her she looks fabulous...even if she's
having a really bad hair day.
9. Don't
get on your wife's nerves. (Maybe this one should be at the
top of the list.)
10. Accept
the fact that men aren't nearly as emotional and/or neurotic as
women and don't want to talk and talk and talk about their
feelings. They mean what they say and then move on. They
don't analyze every single word they've said and worry what others
will think. They've already forgotten what they've said and
are now thinking about either sports or sex.
11. Have anchovies (and other gross stuff your spouse doesn't like) on
the side, not cooked ON the pizza.
12. Accept
the fact that sometimes your spouse just seems to breathe really
loudly. Don't succumb to the urge to smother him with a
pillow...no matter how irritated you are at 3 a.m.
13. Always
smile and tell your wife that dinner was delicious...even if the
chicken was a little dry. This will avoid any cooking boycotts in
the future.
14. Bring
your wife home flowers once in a while. Or Snickers. It
may help her resist the urge to smother you with a pillow one day.
15. Learn
that there really is a difference between cream and off-white. Men
just can't see it for some reason.
16. The
A.I.S. (Ass in Seat) Rule does not apply to your wife. If she
needs an hour...or two...to get ready to go out, then wait
patiently. Your wife may need extra time if her hair won't
cooperate, she sneezed while applying mascara and has to start all
over again, and/or there's absolutely nothing in her closet to
wear (and/or everything she puts on just makes her look
fat). Adjust your departure time accordingly, tell her she
looks fabulous (and thin), and never, EVER ask her how much
longer she'll be. You can always just watch ESPN while she's
getting ready.
17. Say
'I love you' every day. This usually works better if you say it to
each other.
18. Embrace
your wife's silliness and craziness. Smile when she sings commercial
jingles and puts the dog's name in them. Chuckle when she talks about the
musical bridge you're on and then realizes she's wearing headphones.
Laugh when she gets stuck in the pool without the steps while she's
home alone. Accept her Lucy moments.
19. Open
all doors for your wife...especially in flu and cold season.
20. Always
remember the little things and celebrate them: Valentine's
Day, your anniversary, and the first time you kissed...just to name
a few. Presents are always a good option. You can never go
wrong with jewelry.
21. Listen
to your wife when she's rambling and carrying on about something
that totally doesn't interest you in the least. Always sympathize
and let her know she's justified in feeling like she does and she is
right. You don't have to listen to every word she says...just tune
in once in a while, nod in agreement, reassure her she's right,
and then go back to thinking about which pitcher to put in your lineup for your fantasy baseball league.
22. Never, ever ask your wife what's wrong while she's in the middle of eating an entire carton of ice cream. Wait patiently until she's done and then have the kleenex ready...and a bottle of Pepto and/or alcohol.
23. Don't fear PMS. Accept for a few days every month that:
- all of her clothes are horrible and make her look fat and frumpy
- her hair is horrible and just won't do anything
- pretty
much everything you say is the wrong thing to say
- you
just don't understand her feelings and are wrong
- you
just don't understand her point of view and are wrong
- you
can't do anything right and
are wrong
Just
hold
on and ride
out the emotional roller
coaster
for a few days...it'll be over soon. Hopefully.
24.
Never, ever, ever, ever leave an empty roll of toilet paper on the
holder. Ever.
25. Just accept the fact that your wife is right 99% of the time. Concede and you'll be guaranteed a happy marriage...and life.
