Tuesdays are horrible days and I end up doing a lot of crying. I'm trying to feel better, but honestly just can't seem to yet. Cyrus was more than just a dog. He was a member of our family and I ache for him. I still find myself calling out for him; telling him we're leaving the house but we'll be back in a little while; reaching for him while I'm going to sleep or in the car; looking at the clock to see if he needs to go outside; looking for him on the couch or on my bed; dreaming about him; looking where his food and water used to be to see if they need refills.
It's so hard for me to be around dogs. I try, but it only makes me sad and then I end up crying. A lot. I've cried pretty much every day for four months now. I'm sure Matt's pretty tired of me moping around, but I just can't feel better yet. I'm trying. I just miss Cyrus so much. I miss his little furry body cuddling with me. I miss his stubby little tail that wagged whenever I walked in the door or talked to him. I miss his little nudges he'd give me to have me pet him. I miss him begging for food. I miss him yodeling at me when I came home from the grocery store. I miss hugging him and kissing him all throughout the day. I miss talking to him. I miss his full-body stretches and huge yawns. I miss his pre-bedtime parade around the dining room table with his beloved liger in his mouth. I miss him standing and stretching along the back door and I can't bear to erase his paw prints. I miss him pouncing on us and waking us up in the morning. I miss him balking at the garage door when it's raining. I miss him waiting outside my bedroom, waiting for me to come to bed. I miss brushing him and brushing his teeth. I miss feeding him and washing his dishes every day. I miss his companionship. I miss trying to find where he's hiding during a thunderstorm. I miss him barking at Matt whenever Matt would hug me. I miss his hugs. I miss him more than anyone will ever know.
Losing a beloved pet is like losing a family member. When Keaton left for college, Cyrus was all I had left to smother. I don't think I could have loved a child more. Cyrus was just a little bundle of love. When he was a puppy, he instinctively cuddled with Keaton whenever Keaton was sick...we never had to pat the bed to get him to lie with Keaton. He'd just jump up and cuddle with him...Cy's version of trying to make Keaton feel better. After the loss of my dad, I was sitting on my bedroom floor and Cyrus walked up to me, sat between my legs, and pressed his head to my chest...seemingly offering me comfort. Anytime I was sick, he'd scratch at the bedroom door until it was opened and he could jump in bed and cuddle with me. He was so much more than a dog. He was my therapist. He was my cuddler. He was my buddy. He was my pillow. He was my sidekick. He was a huge piece of my heart. He was my Shmoopie. He was my Precious. He was my Pookie. He was our beloved Cy. Huge sigh.
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| This was taken 4 days before he passed. Keaton always teased me that I had more pictures of Cyrus on my phone than of him. He was right! |
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| Our beloved shrine to our beloved puppy. |
